Hidden Sorrows

He tends his flock like a shepherd;
he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
Isa 40:11

Carla sat on the couch, bent over and shaking with sobs, her hands covering her face. Tears mixed with mascara ran down her cheeks, becoming brown raindrops that fell onto her expensive silk blouse.

Eventually, she spoke. "I've never told anyone, but 20 years ago, I had an abortion. It was the fall of my senior year in high school. I was to graduate with honors in the spring and then attend a university on a full scholarship. I couldn't disappoint my parents or face their anger. I was so afraid. I didn't even tell my boyfriend. My best friend and I told everyone we were going on an campout, but, instead, she took me to another town to have an abortion. Afterwards, I decided to put it out of my mind. It was the 80s and everyone was doing it.

Carla began to cry again. "But that's not the worst. I married a Christian man after college graduation. We had our life planned out---get our professional careers on track--buy a home--pay off college loans--and then we would have a child. It didn't fit in with our plans when I became pregnant our first year of marriage. I guess we bought into the values of world and I had another abortion. My husband and I have never spoken of it again and it still stands between us like a brick wall. I have two other children and I have a fear that God will take them to punish me. Even though I have asked God for forgiveness, I can't forgive myself. It's like a voice pounds through my head telling me I'm a murderer, I'm evil and I can't really be forgiven.

This is an example of stories that are familiar to those of us who work in ChangePoint. "Carla" is representative of many people and not a real person. Many women and men (yes, men are affected emotionally and spiritually by their part in abortion) attend church every Sunday, help in various ministries of the church or community--all the while carrying this hidden sorrow.

Watching the Lord bring lasting freedom and healing from the deep pain of abortion has been one of the most rewarding parts of the prayer ministry. As we always invite the Lord to come and be a part of every session, we know he is with us and ready to touch this wound.

We asked Carla if she was willing to let Jesus look at this painful part of her life. She agreed, although it was difficult for her. We asked her if she knew the sex of the babies. She had been told that they were both girls. Had she ever named them? No So, with God's help, she gave each child a name.